


closure

by patroclusstars



Series: evermore x deancas [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Dean POV kinda, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean is a sad drunk, Drinking, Lyric Fic?, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Dean Winchester, Post 15.18, Pre-Slash, Sad Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester is a Good Bro, Song fic, Swearing, based on closure by taylor swift, but gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:23:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28663137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patroclusstars/pseuds/patroclusstars
Summary: It's been a long timeAnd seeing the shape of your nameStill spells out painDean sat in that empty room for what felt like an eternity, ignoring the buzzing of his phone and the flickering of the lights. He felt the cold cement against his back and ass, grounding him from the chaotic thoughts swirling around in his brain.He still felt Cas’s grip on his shoulder, matching up exactly to the scar he gave him all those years ago. It felt like a lifetime had passed, looking back.or; closure is fucking sad destiel
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: evermore x deancas [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055471
Kudos: 11





	closure

**Author's Note:**

> howdy. sorry this took a bajillion years, i got wisdom teeth surgery and did not feel like writing! hope u all enjoy dean being sad! the widowers arc in season 12(???) breaks my heart so i'm emulating that
> 
> i hope u all have a peaceful and completely normal and boring 2021

It's been a long time  
And seeing the shape of your name  
Still spells out pain

Dean sat in that empty room for what felt like an eternity, ignoring the buzzing of his phone and the flickering of the lights. He felt the cold cement against his back and ass, grounding him from the chaotic thoughts swirling around in his brain. 

He still felt Cas’s grip on his shoulder, matching up exactly to the scar he gave him all those years ago. It felt like a lifetime had passed, looking back.

It wasn’t until Sam and Jack got back, his name echoing throughout the painfully empty bunker. Sam burst through the doorway, Dean’s name still on his lips, Jack right behind him. Sam took in the scene. The door, a complete mess, the bloodstains on the floor and the arm of Dean’s jacket, Dean. Alone. Dean couldn’t meet his eyes, a new wave of tears threatening to fall.

Taking very timid, careful steps, Sam walked over to his brother and slid down the wall next to him, Jack did the same on the other side.

After some time had passed, Dean stood up and walked away, his footsteps breaking the silence. Sam and Jack stayed in their sitting position, holding onto each other tight.

Dean strode into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. Leaning his forehead against the closed fridge, he exhaled, a sigh that originated deep in his body. He opened the fridge and took out a second beer.

Somehow after the third, he wound up at the main table, tracing the letters of Cas’s name.

Don't treat me like  
Some situation that needs to be handled  
I'm fine with my spite  
And my tears, and my beers and my candles

“Dean, man,” Sam started, a few days after they defeated Chuck. “I think we need to talk about Cas.”

He caught Dean for the third time that day sitting at the table in the bunker, lightly tracing his fingertips over Cas’s name, empty beer bottles strewn about around him.

Dean took a swig of his beer-- his nth in as many days. “What about Cas,” He said gruffly. His head was spinning from all the alcohol, and all he could think about was the angel. Wouldn’t talk about him with Sam, though.

“I mean- Dean, he died for you! Again!” Sam roughly ran a hand through his hair. “And you’re not talking, you’re just drinking and it’s not healthy. I think you should talk to someone.” 

Dean startled. “Talk to someone?” He scoffed. “Like grief counseling?”

“Yeah, like grief counseling. Dean, we’ve lost Cas before, but this one is final. I think you should seriously consider it.”

Yeah right. “Exactly, Sammy. I’ve- we’ve lost Cas before. “He corrected himself quickly, but his slip-up didn’t escape Sam’s notice. “I coped fine every other time, right?”

Sam raised his eyebrows, but knew better than to start an argument when Dean was still so clearly grieving. He sighed, and walked away.

Guilty, guilty, reaching out across the sea  
That you put between you and me  
But it's fake and it's oh so unnecessary

After his conversation with Sam the day prior, Dean decided to take Baby out for a much needed drive to clear his head. (The reason why he needed to clear his mind went unsaid and unthought.) It didn’t work. If anything he thought more without any annoying younger brothers and brothers’ girlfriends to annoy him into getting actual help.

He was doing worse than he let on.

Everywhere he looked, Cas was there. The jacket he couldn’t bring himself to wash. The spare trench-coat he had kept in the trunk of the Impala. The fucking ugly Continental still sitting in the garage, all of the trinkets and books Cas collected over the years growing a thin layer of dust as they went untouched.

It wasn’t even physical reminders anymore. It was every time he thought about his past and Cas was there. All of their encounters and conversations he now had to question.

“Was he in love with me here?”

“How did he not know I was coming onto him what the hell.”

Looking back on all those memories, all those times they got close but Dean got scared, or Cas turned evil. He never knew angels could feel that way. Love. What an interesting feeling. Sure, he knew that Cas obviously felt emotions, but love? That was too much for him to hope for, and hope he did.

God, how long could they have had together if they just got their heads out of their asses and talked to each other?

**Author's Note:**

> hey what the fuck is going on with the us government. i do not want to be here HELP just 11 more days until biden is inaugurated lets hope tr*mp doesn't fuck it up more!


End file.
